The difference between good and evil is confusion
Evil is just an excuse for abuse.
I don’t believe in good and evil. Instead, I see each of them on opposite ends of a continuum of confusion. Evil is confused. Good is less confused than evil. Somewhere in the middle is what we call normal. We’re all confused to one extent or another. We all exist on a continuum of confusion.
I see the term evil as a supernatural attribution of unwanted behavior. We often can’t explain unwanted behavior like murder, corruption, war and other forms of violence. And like our distant ancestors who attributed lightning to the god of lightning Thor, we attribute good and evil to God and Satan, respectively.
Throughout human history, humans have demonstrated a strong tendency to seek advantage over another, usually for profit, sometimes for status, other times for life. A tendency for one person to seek an advantage over other people is evidence of confusion. There is no advantage to be gained over one another without compromising our mutual survival.
We often assume that an advantage over another confers some sort of benefit that is exclusive to the one with the advantage. The problem with this assumption is that it’s really hard to have an advantage over someone else when we’re alone. We need other people in order to enjoy an advantage over someone else. We also need other people for our own security.
Long ago, I read an article by Douglas Rushkoff, an influencer who’s claim to fame is hanging out with billionaires and sharing his insights of billionaire thinking with the rest of us. In that article, Rushkoff described the concerns of billionaires about what they would do if society were to somehow, collapse.
At one of those elite summits in a vacation destination most of us can’t afford, the billionaires in attendance had asked for an informal meeting with Rushkoff. In that meeting they expressed concern about how to live in a secure compound and feel like they were secure with the people who they hired to manage and maintain the space for billionaires and their families.
Could they be trusted? How should the servants, technicians and other support staff be treated? Rushkoff said in so many words, “treat them like human beings.”
We are talking about human beings who are “worth” billions of dollars, who have concerns about being dependent upon other human beings after spending a lifetime securing and asserting an advantage over the people who serve billionaires in a luxury bomb shelter. This is confusion. I don’t see billionaires as evil. I see them as confused.
I could say the same thing about the petty thief, the murderer, the rapist, the leaders responsible for genocide, and the politicians who take bribes. Those kinds of people actually believe that they can separate their fates from the rest of us. While it is convenient to label troublesome people as evil, it makes more sense to me to identify them as confused.
Whenever I see someone online labeled as evil, I ask why. I want to know what makes them evil. I acquired this habit long ago.
My first clue was found in a book called, “For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence”, by Alice Miller. In that book I read case studies of Adolph Hitler, a drug addict and a serial killer. All of them were mercilessly abused by their parents. All of them were products of a punitive culture. They were all confused.
Years later, as a father of two kids, I took a crash course in parenting. I learned that kids are always solving problems. I learned that unwanted behavior in kids is really just kids trying to solve problems. I learned that if I help my kids solve those problems, the unwanted behavior goes away. My kids become civilized when I collaborate with them to solve the problems that give rise to unwanted behavior.
My crash course in parenting began with this video:
And continued with books by the same man, Dr. Ross W. Greene, “The Explosive Child” and “Raising Human Beings”. I learned how to identify and solve problems that give rise to unwanted behavior, work with my kids to solve them, and move on. No punishment. No confrontation. I just noticed the challenges my kids faced and helped them.
Long ago, my first born daughter didn’t want to go to school. My wife wanted to use Plan A, punishment. She used threats of punishment to try to convince my daughter to go to school, to no avail. I was prepared with Plan B. “Let me work with her.”
With some gentle interrogation, I learned that my daughter was afraid of something at school. It took me about an hour to learn from her, that she was going to take a test with word problems in math at school, and she was scared she would fail.
I happened to love word problems in school. I would quietly cheer when that test filled with word problems came along while my class groaned. I was ready to help my kid with word problems.
I opened a new document on my computer and typed out a word problem from scratch. “Is that it?” “Well, sort of.” So I found more examples on the internet. Then I worked with my kid through the problems to show her how to apply simple rules and principles to solving word problems.
Then I let her run through a few by herself. And shortly after that, she said she was ready to go to school.
I saw my kid as confused. So I gave her better information. Then she was less confused. With better information, she was ready to go to school and do well on the math test of word problems.
Since becoming a parent and learning all of those things, I see people with the lens of skills and capacities. I make no judgments as to their character or motivation. I only see behavior and problems to solve.
Now I was raised in a punitive culture. The terms of that culture are still with me. Sometimes, the lessons of a punitive culture still guide me, so I catch myself in old habits. I question what I was doing and find ways to get what I want done with cooperation rather than punishment and reward.
Punishment and Reward. That’s also known as behavior modification. The dynamic duo of punishment and reward are also the mantra of capitalism. They tell us that all we have to do is dangle enough money out there with instructions on how to earn it, and someone will step up to get the job done.
That only works if people have the skills and capacities to get the job done. And if people lack the capacity they either ask for help or they become willing to ignore some or all of the instructions to get the money, whatever it takes. And once they have the money well, our social contract with money says we’ll work for money no matter where the money came from.
There is another problem with the entire concept of good and evil. Hanlon’s Razor:
“Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.”
In America, 13% of the people have an IQ of 85 or less. Some of them commit crimes. Is their crime attributable to evil or a lack of skills or capacity to do better?
I assume that when someone does a terrible thing to another person, I assume they don’t know better. I assume that they have a serious problem solving skills deficit. Violence is a terrible solution to problems like homelessness, poverty and hunger. I would imprison violent people to restrain them, not to punish them.
Once we begin to see the people in our world through that lens, something else appears: forgiveness.
Forgive them for they know not what they do. - Jesus
So i forgive people all the time, every day. Forgiveness is an unlimited, inexhaustible utility that anyone can use at any time. I use it to avoid drama. I use forgiveness to see the struggles of other people. I use forgiveness as mental floss to stay sane. Forgiveness has never, ever failed me.
Forgiveness is also a skill, just like reading, writing, arithmetic and compassion. Managing our feelings is also a skill. Together, all of these things can be used to attain and maintain a state of peace. And we don’t even need to acquire and assert an advantage over another person. We don’t have to change other people.
We only need to change ourselves. If we have difficulty changing ourselves, we can always ask for help, too.
Write on.